| | It's been so long since I've been on here consistently that I had nearly forgotten the original purpose of using the website. I went back to my first post (nearly a full four years old) and re-read it. I then re-read a few of the less older ones. I'm glad to say I still love my old writings, and I'm especially happy that I kept old poems on here. If I could toot my own horn here, I'd say that it's still good stuff. But anyway, back to the original purpose: to write a book online; one paragraph or page at a time. And I realized why it wasn't working out in it's purpose as planned for the last four years for two whopping reasons:
1) The activism actually got in the WAY. It didn't help, but nonetheless I am not regretful of adding it on here. It should have its own site and blog...but if I did that it would just be for posterity's sake; I would probably not add to it. Facebook has become my site for that. My network is much larger there and the Causes application has even more solidified FB as the correct vehicle (for now anyway) for that purpose. Plus, I had been updating all three of my networking sites (here [if that counts], MS, and FB). That took up a lot of time when I would come across a particular article or newstory that got the ol' juices flowing. In fact, the more that I think about it, I think I'm going to streamline this entire thing before fully delving into writing: archiving the activism points or deleting them all together if they were posted elsewhere here on Xanga, getting rid of my MS page (I never use it anyway), and putting those activism writings back to FB where they belong. Yeah, tonight might be a good night to get all of this taken care of.
2) I didn't have a real plan on how to present the book. I always knew it would be a type of autobiography especially detailing the "early years" and Rob's story. But, on the same token, I kind of wanted to use poetic license and change the characters to protect Robbie. He is, after all, the most innocent of men and I would never want my actions to negatively harm him. Two, if Rich and/or Norma, the real culprits, ever decided to take action against me, I could simply claim a fictional story - although no reasonable person would really accept the claim except to say that Ben and Cynthia's parts were more of a fiction than reality; but even those characters are based on real people in the real world. Ben is my part; my stylized depression and persona that seeks to understand his world around him while simultaneously trying to overcome it; mostly to fail miserably. Cynthia, on the other hand, is not actually based on Jes; while some parts of her will come into reality, Cyn will be a mix of the many women in my life that has caused me both joy and suffering but those who I have/still loved; equal parts Beverly (for the misaligned and manipulative persona that still seeks to protect you at perhaps your own personal cost), Jes (for the loving wife who would do almost anything for her husband, but also a woman haunted by her past family life and consequential failures), Suzie (for her ability to drive a man crazy with desire but also push him away because of her irresponsibility, low self-confidence, and lack of general ambition about anything/apathy), and just other character traits. Cynthia is what I consider a "hinge" character; the book wouldn't really work without a female character like her. And that is what the biggest problem was: I didn't realize that I needed this character so bad until recently: if I had presented the book in a non-fictional manner I would have had to explain to the reader how my mother, wife, and past lovers had changed me into who I am and will become. This would have been a book by itself, and a very dry one at that! Rather, the hinge character of Cyn (that's what Ben calls her) allows me to do the same thing, but it's more interesting and mysterious because it's done through dialogue and relationship growth between Ben, Cyn, and the audience. In addition, I can weave the story of Rich and Norma through Ben and Cynthia; it makes for a more interesting read. Ben and Cyn is an emotional tale while Rich and Norma is a narrative tale; who did what at what time to produce this product is both couples' tale, but the only difference is this: Ben and Cyn produce an emotional state of mind while Rich and Norma produce an actual realistic set of circumstances. And, to put the cherry on top, the interplay of the human emotional state of mind given a set of circumstances (primarily here what has happened in my life given the life I am to lead) is precisely the argument I wanted to set forth in what would have been the non-fiction book. But my set-up now is just a bit more stylized and hopefully will now more than likely write itself. I don't have to go in any particular order: I can start anywhere and still get to the same point as I would have had I attempted the strictly non-fiction work.
And yet another reason; my life up to this point has been very hectic; with graduating, opening up a business, closing a business, moving, getting married, and having a baby. Yes, all of those things happened in the last year.
So, my fair reader(s), I will bid you adieu until next time. I want to get things really organized. Au revoir.
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| | Posted 3/23/2009 4:32 AM - 5 Views
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